so it goes #1

You have to understands me a lot! - he says on the phone.
a long silence and a paused from me. Suddenly "and after that you'll dump me?" glide smoothly from my lips, my mouth to be precise.

I got no replied after that, just the sounds of his breathe heard by me. and that breath sounds so heavy. After waited for about 15 seconds he dropped the line. Without Goodbye.

I held the phone tightly still next to my ears, a hot tears drops slowly on my cheeks. I let it slide and closed my eyes, with the small and deep breathe i swept the tears and watch my palm wet by it.

This is what happened when you betrayed me, dear.My feeling.
I never realised the fact until now. That when someone broke your heart it will never be fixed again like before. The wound won't heal easily with just a bunch of apology!

I stare to the wall up to my head and it is like i am watching a movie about you and her, reconnected and refreshing back the long lost relation between both of you. Watching you and her giggles about your past and  the happiness both of you shared once.

Again, i closed my eyes, trying to erase those images from keep coming from my mind and imagination. Sometimes it fades but other times it will coming back and rewind everything.

I lost my every things, i lost my self and what most unlucky is i lost my trust on you. I know that i told you to give you a second chance but i don't trust myself enough to love you back, love you back as before.

I really hopes that times will change everything, change the feeling i had now, change the dis-trust i had on you now, and then turn back my feeling to you as before. The crush i had on you before. The heart-bump i got every time my eyes met you, the sweet and serenade smile on my lips every time you smiling back teasing me.

I hope so, really hoping so.