Alasan tak tahu 29/8/2014

Bertahan atas alasan yang tidak tahu apa?

ke memang aku yang bermasalah dengan diri aku sendiri?

Entahlah, aku keliru, bingung dan tak faham. Takkan nak berlakon macam takde apa-apa jadi? mula-mula memanglah kau boleh buat diam, tapi aku berani bet yang kau tak mungkin akan terus bertahan untuk berlakon. mesti ada hari kemuncaknya kau akan tadah semua perkara untuk diungkit dan diperkatakan kembali. percayalah, kerana aku yakin memang akan jadi begitu.

Dan ketika ini aku masih dengan hatiku yang ada sedikit rasa yang aku tak tau nak explain macamana tapi lebih kuranglah macam yang aku tulis kat atas tu. Tunggu je la kot. Tapi aku tetap berharap tak jadi benda yang aku tak nak. 

Itu je.

Hari ini 27/8/2014

Tak tau kenapa hari ini aku rasa macam hidup aku sangat statik, aku rasa tak terlarat dah nak menanggung kebosanan aku terhadap keadaan sekeliling. Malas bercakap, malas buat kerja, malas nak bangun dari kerusi dan malas segala-gala.

Aku harap aku jumpa jalan untuk diri dan kehidupan ini.

Apakah?

Ada perkara yang kita takut dan tak mahu terjadi pada kehidupan kita tapi dengan izin-Nya tetap saja terjadi. Dan ini apa yang aku benar-benar takuti bukan sebagai manusia tetapi dalamnya sebagai seorang ibu  yang punya anak tiga-lelaki semuanya.

Semakin hari aku semakin jauh dari aku yang aku mahu, semakin hari juga aku semakin sedar bahawa diriku sudah semakin menjauh dari diriku yang aku mahu jadi.

Hipokritkah aku? atau
Inikah sebenarnya diriku?

Doubt

Aku tidak tau kenapa setelah lama mencari dan bila aku rasa jalan yang aku ikuti itu adalah jalan yang paling lurus dan paling match sekali dengan apa yang aku sedang lalui tiba-tiba menjadi perkara yang paling aku 'doubt' sekali.

Memang menakutkan malahan aku rasa diriku semakin kecil dan jauh dari Yang Maha Segalanya. Aku tidak minta adanya perasaan begini menyelit dalam jiwa dan sekarang aku minta biarlah perkara terbaik yang akan ditunjukkan kepada aku dalam menjadi manusia hamba Allah sebenar.

Tunjukkan aku jalan...
:(

Aku tak pernah tahu perempuan yang membaca punya class dia sendiri, apalagi kalau perempuan itu menulis.....

A Girl You Should Date

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

– Rosemarie Urquico –

Copy from HERE

Raya 2014

Salam Aidilfitri 2014

Tak dak benda sangat nak cakap walaupun banyak kejadian-kejadian yang tidak terjangka-jangka, presepsi juga banyak yang lari dari kebiasaan tapi satu perkara yang tidak lari dari jiwaku ialah aku rindukan bapa, adik, abang-abang dan kakak-kakak aku kat kampung.

Pecah sejarah, tahun ni aku raya kat Pattani, thailand. Tapi sebab aku datang untuk beraya bukan melancong jadi aku tak de gambar-gambar gempak macam orang lain selalu buat sebagai bukti, takpe aku tahu. Cuma satu saja niat tak tercapai sebelum sampai sana, nak pergi solat kat masjid krue sea.

Insha Allah, next time.